Mother at risk of disappearing in children’s messy bedroom

Too-small pajama pants clog
my sons’ dresser, atop which
a blue sabertooth tiger crouches
in a jungle of Pokemon cards 
that may never be organized, banked
by my oldest’s treasure box whose key 
is mysteriously missing (I suspect
his little brother), and that is just one spot!

Plastic boxes, once organized with toys, spill
out of twin beds’ underbellies, library books litter
the floor, dirty laundry clutters unmade beds, 
picture books are uneven teeth hanging 
off the edge of the bookshelf. God knows
what lurks in their closet — 
the sheer volume of stuff might bury me.

“We have to figure this out,” I sigh, 
squeezing freshly folded pajamas in a sliver
of one drawer. My husband just chuckles.
Doesn’t he feel the trappings
of our children’s junk?

Sometimes my life feels like this messy room,
no matter how hard I try to maintain
a tidy exterior, clutter always finds me —
I have ideas that no longer fit hidden
in old shopping bags, regrets overflowing
from the hamper, insecurities stacked beneath
the bed. I’m afraid of what you’ll think when you 
see me. You ask if I’ve heard of The Life Changing
Magic of Tidying Up? I have
a hard time letting go.

Someday soon I’ll brave their room to edit 
and sort, edit
and sort, but I must remember 
spring cleaning has its limits 
tidiness always comes undone 
there’s no easy way to hide 
your humanity.

Believe women

The ones to break
news of Jesus’ resurrection
were the women — 
Mary Magdalene, Joanna, 
Mary, the mother of James

Jesus approached them in the garden
when the women spoke out
some did not believe them
Even now, women speak truth
and many refuse to accept it 

My most sacred confessions 
have been to women

When I was dead inside,
women resurrected me.
They said I believe you
It wasn’t your fault 
You are good

I couldn’t believe in myself 
but I believed them.

How to survive the end of winter

Plan out your garden,

Imagine basil, tomatoes & peppers,

Try Thai takeout from a new restaurant,

Submit a poem — or three,

Don’t mull over rejection,

Celebrate your courage in trying,

Book flights for a spring break trip,

Stargaze on your deck,

Pick out new sneakers,

Instead of boring, old white choose jade green for
good karma,

Pray for peace on earth,

Vox your girlfriends,

Send them snail mail, too,

Gift old baby books to expecting mamas,

Invite friends over for dinner,

Walk the dog in the cold sunshine, even when you don’t want to, feel the wind bite your hands, feel more alive, feel grateful to be moving,

Drink decaf with a swirl of whipped cream,

Organize a messy drawer,

Donate old toys & jeans that don’t fit,

Buy your kids Lucky Charms for breakfast,

Buy yourself tulips,

Center them on the kitchen counter,

Marvel at their blossoms — the way they guzzle water, unfurl & reach for the sunlight,

Keep the faith: spring is coming,

Even now, you’re blooming.