Tag Archives: hope

What I love about Halloween

For one night, 
this country looks different…

Pumpkins deck doorways,
skeletons adorn front yards,
orange lights glow.

Little princesses, ninjas,
sports stars and singers parade 
the sidewalks, parents in tow.

We open our doors,
greet our neighbors’ children,
offer them Twizzlers and Twix,
Snickers and Sour Patch Kids,
pretzels, popcorn, fruit snacks and more.

We say, “Wow, look at that costume!”
“Happy Halloween!”
“Here, have a treat!’

What we mean is,
*I see you.*
*You are welcome here.*
*Take and eat.*

This is a night when 
children are cherished.

And I wonder, 
what would happen if we 
held on to our Halloween spirit?

How would the world change 
if we opened our doors 
— and shared — more often?

On the cusp of 40

She is at the age where
Instagram serves her ads for Botox,
at the age where faint wrinkles indent
the edges of her cheeks, and it seems

her skin is a problem to be solved, as if
“She smiled too much” could be written
on her gravestone.

In her twenties, she almost lost
a job because she was
“too nice.” Still, they hired her.
Now she’s old enough to know
there’s nothing nice about
people-pleasing.

She heard on a podcast that
when women face menopause,
our bodies and minds will suffer,

the suffering is real
but she’s letting go
of the idea that her best days
are behind her — she’s holding onto
her smile, she’s determined to live
the next 40 years concerned with
her own pleasure.

She’s driving into a new decade, windows down,
hair dancing in the breeze, Kacey Musgraves cranked
loud, singing “I’ve got to take care of myself,” she’s
feasting on salmon, pasta and chocolate, walking
into rooms with her head held high, lifting weights
and finding her own strength, making waves, making
goals, making love, devouring — and making — juicy poems.

Midlife is a death sentence?
She’s not letting herself go
there. At 39, she’s on the cusp of
becoming. Her gravestone will read:
She wrote and lived beautiful stories.
Until the end, she held onto
her smile.

// This post is part of a blog hop with author Lindsay Swoboda in support of her book Holding On and Letting Go: A Life in Motion.

Click here to view the next post in the series.

To mother

“What would you have liked to know before becoming a mom?” a friend asked recently. 

“Wow, good question,” I laughed. When I was pregnant, the moms in my circle offered all sorts of sage advice, yet, ultimately, I needed to figure out motherhood for myself. 

The first time I held my baby, we were in the NICU. I remember looking into his blue eyes, feeling his weight and experiencing sheer joy — and terror. The nurses had left. Now I was responsible for his well being. Would I be up to the task?

Even today, I wonder what I’d say to an expectant mother. How do you describe the toughest, most beautiful job in the world?

Is it like being a nurse, caring for needy patients? Or more like a teacher, presenting lessons and encouraging budding learners?

At times, a short order cook. A cheerleader. Housekeeper. Zookeeper! Captain of the ship. 

Perhaps motherhood is like being a writer, nurturing wild words into stories that stir the soul. You spend countless, invisible hours putting everything you have into your work — then you revise, leaning into whatever the piece wants to become. And here’s the kicker: You can only steward your stories for so long until they’re ready to be set free, with a life of their own.

Motherhood is as impossible to contain as the weather. It’s sunshine and storms. Clear skies and blizzards. Rainbows, too. 

I don’t think anyone can fully prepare you for the cataclysmic identity shift of motherhood. The call to mother will stretch you beyond your capacity. You will embody love. You will make mistakes. You will know sweetness beyond understanding. You’re bonded forever and compelled to endure a perpetual state of letting go. And when you feel as if you can no longer hold it all, grace will carry you through. 

What did I know of motherhood when I was young? What do I know now? How do you describe a metamorphosis of the heart?

Reasons to wake early

To witness fuschia streak across the sky
and tangerine clouds outlined in gold
To notice sparrows singing
To savor hot coffee without interruption
To breathe
To untangle a thicket of thoughts on paper
before the day unfolds
To thank God for another spin
around the sun
To remember that, as the sky evolves,
I can too
To dwell in light — and possibility

Chapter 38

Today she turns 39.

Her 38th year is not one she’d ever ask to repeat. “Trying” is how her husband described it in her birthday card. Other adjectives she’d add are “traumatic” and “revelatory.” She has no shining accomplishments to toast. There were more endings than beginnings. More questions than answers. At one point, she disliked herself so much she couldn’t bear to look in the mirror.

Healing took time and courage. She left communities she loved because belonging to them was causing her harm. For a season, she set down her pen and silenced herself. She had hard conversations and made school lunches and folded the laundry and kissed her children and cried in the shower.

Does everyone have these hidden pains they just shoulder quietly? she asked God. Her faith was shaken, but she didn’t stop believing.

Hours of research and reflection helped her see she wasn’t alone. The stories she read — paired with her family’s love — mended what was broken inside. Joy returned. And with it, many wonderful moments; the only possible explanation was grace.

She discovered that some years are gentle and sweet, and other years, everything you think you know burns to ash and you have to fight like hell to rise up after the fire.

After much prayer, she picked up her pen again. She decided she’ll write another book.

At 6:15 a.m. today, her sons tumbled into the master bedroom, searching for her. Her husband rolled back the comforter and the two boys burrowed between them like a pair of puppies. Under the warmth of the comforter, she clung to her children. At least I kept them safe and sound, she resolved. I held them and they held me. That is enough.

Why we sing

“I will sing praises to my God all my life long” (Psalm 146:2).

There’s a lovely song in the Evangelical Lutheran Worship hymnal that encapsulates Psalm 146: “My life flows on in endless song” (ELW 763). You may know it more by its iconic lyric—“How can I keep from singing?”

Of course, that question is rhetorical, but we can relate. When friends get engaged, a baby is born, a long awaited job offer is extended—we, too, may be unable to keep from sharing our joyful “song” with others. The author of Psalm 146 is caught up in a similar excitement about God!

With rich imagery, this passage implores us to trust God—our creator, healer, liberator, giver. The enthusiasm is contagious; the poet cannot help but praise God for all God’s done and is doing to shower us in love.

This is why singing is important to Lutheran liturgy: Because our God is great. Because our joy is too. Because love. Because pain. Because trust. Because evangelism. Because it feels good in our bodies. Because music is a means of freeing the soul. 

Prayer
Creating God, thank you for your wondrous works.  May I sing your praises all the days of my life. Amen.

This blog post is adapted from “Why we sing” on  page 71 of Christ in Our Home devotional Quarter 4 2024. Reproduced by Permission of Augsburg Fortress.

Finding God

“…have you ever found God in church? I never did. I just found a bunch of folks hoping for him to show. Any God I ever felt in church I brought in with me. And I think all the other folks did too. They come to church to share God, not find God.” ― Alice Walker, The Color Purple

“I’ve been missing you at church,”
a friend wrote, bringing me to tears.
“I hope you are still finding God near,”
she added, her words as gentle as summer rain.

No, I haven’t been there lately,
but I have met God
at open mic night,
he told us he was autistic, he sang
an original song and strung his guitar,
God was in the crowd, too, listening hard,
God clapped long and loud when the music stopped.

God greeted my toddler from the garbage truck,
God cheered each batter at my oldest’s baseball game,
God saw me with my hands full and opened up the gate.

God showed up in
pastel clouds over a shimmering sunset,
the heady scent of roses,
the first bite of a perfectly grilled burger,
strawberry shortcake, delivered by a neighbor,
Scripture scribbled on a postcard,
whispered apologies,
a prayer uttered over the phone,
cottonwood seeds drifting in the breeze,
in hugs and kisses from my children.

No, I haven’t seen my friend at church.
“It’s not a peaceful place for me right now,”
I told her. Yet,
as sure as the stars shine,
God’s been reaching for me,
breathing goodness into everything,
wrapping me in God’s gracious arms.

Advice to Young Women

At 13, what I wanted
—more than anything—
was to be thin as a prima ballerina,
so delicate I could pirouette
with ease,
so tiny I’d finally fit in
with the other girls
so slender I’d fade
into school walls rather than risk
being seen.

That spring, I made the school musical,
I had a part and a solo.
When I stepped on stage to sing,
my voice shook, then steadied,
with each verse, I grew feathers,
soon after, I was soaring high in the sky.

That was my first taste of a more expansive life
I didn’t need to hide away; I could offer
hope
and goodness. I could be and do more
than I ever dreamed I might.
I wanted to chase that feeling over and over.

I’d like to say that moment was a revolution,
but that would only be half-true.
For nearly 40 years, I’ve wrestled with
silence and singing
fitting in and standing out
perfection and mess.
On my best days, I claim my power.
On my worst, I’m 13 again, still afraid
of sharing my voice.

If I could warn her, oh if I could whisper
wisdom into my younger self’s ears, I’d tell her:
Some men will try to cage you
and keep you small.
Don’t let them.
Sing your song.
Spread your wings.
Let your beautiful, wild self
be free.

Fear and courage

My son declares
“I’m not scared
of anything”

Almost 7 and still a wonder
boy whose life began with a lack of breath,
who, since he found his voice
rarely stops talking, who’s made of
sugar, steel and laughter

“That’s nice, honey,” I tell him, folding
his words and slipping
them into my back pocket
like a note I want to revisit later

Me? I’m scared of all sorts of things:
Showing up late. Wearing
the wrong outfit. Singing off-key.
Saying something off-color.
My kids getting hurt or worse — dying.
Mass shootings. War. Global warming.
Cockroaches in the house and maxing
out my credit card at Target.

Scared of success
and scared of failure.
Missed naps and moldy leftovers.
Scared of parties and public speaking.
Scared of home renovations
—but also scared of moving(?)—
literally anyone who rings our doorbell.
Tantrums at the grocery store. PTA meetings.
The cool moms at school pickup. Forgetting
a deadline. Forgetting
to return a text. Forgetting.

Scared of aging. Scared of dying.
Scared I won’t ever get to the point of this poem.

Scared of tornadoes.
Scared of blizzards.
Scared of men, when I walk alone
at night, midday or early in the morning.
Scared of running into ex-boyfriends,
that band teacher who despised me,
even scarier, my ex-best friend from high school.

Scared of weight gain. Scared of wrinkles.
Car crashes. Insomnia. Cancer.
Losing track of my kids anywhere,
especially near water.
Losing my husband, mother or father.

Scared I’ve said too much.
Scared I ate too much.
Scared of all the want inside me.
Scared how much I love my children.
Scared I’ve not been a good enough mother.

All this fear inside. Where does it come from?
What I wouldn’t give to soak up
some of wonder boy’s courage

Often I feel scared of writing
especially publishing.
Scared I’ll be judged.
Worse, no one cares.
Years of writing and I’m still scared
by all the rejection.

Then I think
of my son, and the world I want
him to inherit, a society steeped
in justice, peace and kindness.

So I keep writing,
keep chasing truth and beauty,
keep confronting my fears on the page,
emerging
braver and stronger,
keep penning hope
into a world riddled
by brokenness.

In This House…

We sing to each other and we tell bedtime stories,

We share highs and lows and prayers at dinner,

We practice kindness and yoga and serving our neighbors,

We play Legos and peekaboo and cards and soccer,

We invite our friends in before everything looks “perfect,”

We make room for laughter and tears, mistakes and questions,

We read psalms, poems, board books, graphic novels,

We craft towers and forts and dreams and artwork,

We try to honor the sacred within all of God’s people,

We stumble, we break, we learn, we do better,

We say “I’m sorry,” “You are good” and “I love you forever,”

We cherish the light softening this world’s shadows.

// Inspired Lindsay Rush and written in the Exhale Creativity “Charmed” workshop.